Fuck my insecurities.

Have you heard of Impostor syndrome?

According to Wikipedia (yes, Wikipedia, I know),”Is a concept describing individuals who are marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.”

In other words, pretty much myself and many other 20s something.

You know the feeling that anybody can do anything better than you do, so you shouldn’t waste your time doing it or trying to get better at it. So stupid, yet so real.

If you want to be good at something, first you gotta realize you’re not good at it. This works as fuel for your motivation to work harder and get good at it. That’s how it works, I guess. This is what I supposed I should be doing.

When I was a teenager, all my good friends were awesome in some sport and I was just bad at pretty much any sport. One day we had a big fight about how bad I was. And that was it, I remember, on that day I decided from now on I wouldn’t make any more effort to be good at any sport nor play any. I had accepted I sucked at it. I repeated this to myself so many times that my subconscious believed it. Today, whenever I’m doing any kind of physical exercise within a team, I catch myself thinking that I’m just bad and I should stop doing it.

Then High School came. I studied my ass off for this one final exam that would or would not get me into university. In the end, I passed, but with the exact minimum grade, not one decimal more. Even though I was extremely happy that I had passed this test, I couldn’t help myself but feel a failure. ALL THOSE MANY MANY HOURS studying as a maniac brought nothing but the minimum grade. So, again, I decided I wouldn’t put too many efforts into my studies because I sucked at it.

Today, I’m way more confident about many other aspects of my life, thankfully.

But then I had to start working. Guess what? I was working a lot and receiving so little. I know this can be the life of many people, I’m pretty sure they’re not happy about it but they do it because they think they have no choice (me included), but we all have. Anyway, I was busting my ass off for this company, without going to my boss to ask for that 10% raise o the contract. In my mind, I’d rather not have a raise that was ON MY CONTRACT than go talk to my boss about how valuable I am and that I deserve that raise. Fucking hell of society that made us believe this is the life we want and trying anything alternative to that is a failure.

It’s the constant feeling that I should be in my corner, not interrupting other people being awesome at what they do. Whether is a squat, an essay, a business meeting or whatever.

I should fucking step up my game! We all do. We need to understand that:

-We can fail as many times as necessary until we feel proud of ourselves on this.

-We can just accept that we’re not good at this specific thing, but that’s okay if we’re not passionate about it.

-We’re super good at many things! We should praise ourselves more often for them.

-Being humble saying I’m only ”okay” at this or thinking “I’m so average that it’s not even worth feeling proud of myself” it’s not gonna get us anywhere.

So, whenever we fell we suck, let’s remember this. We all deal with insecurities, they’re gonna be there, no matter what. The difference is how you’re gonna deal with it, accepting and limiting yourself or giving a big middle finger to it and keep going.

I really should take my bits of advice more often, jeez.

You know, even Beyonce feel insecure many times, I’m sure. But oh well, she’s just one of the most powerful, riches and influent women on our planet 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

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